Out of My Comfort Zone

I am so far out of my comfort zone these days I have trouble remembering what it feels like. I keep reminding myself that it's good to stretch and try things that scare you. It doesn't seem like the reminding changes my reactions though.

I hate calling strangers. Even more I hate calling strangers to ask them for something. It's a struggle to pick up the phone and dial. My stomach gets butterflies everytime I call a new number on my list. They subside a bit when I get an answering machine. They surge when I get someone who is pissed that I'm calling. The go away entirely when I get a friendly person on the other end of the line.

I'm going to be canvassing this weekend and that is soooooooooooooooo not anything I'm comfortable doing. At least on the phone you can't see one another. At least you can hang up if you need to. And it's safer than knocking on a stranger's door.

But this moment is too important for me to sit on the sidelines and not try to do something useful. I don't want to look back and wish that I'd stepped up to the plate and set aside my own fears and discomforts. I don't want to tell my children, "You can't change things. You have no power."

Our son feels involved. He is contributing by putting stickers on postcards or stamping them. Our two-year-old daughter likes to 'help' as well. They are both contributing by playing quietly when I make phone calls or by giving other volunteers a laugh or smile. They contribute when they come along to pick up or drop off voter registration forms. They are contributing because they and the futures I want for them inspire me to try and push through and do just a little bit more.

So I may not be comfortable but I am growing and learning. And, most importantly, I am actively working to create the world I wish to live in and the world I dream of for my children and all the other children in the world. What are a few butterflies compared to that?

Starting Young

Today I manned the voter registration table at a Community Fun Day event in a nearby city. We were in a park in a poor section and the event wasn't attended by as many people as any of us would have liked but it was a success on several levels (registering 11 new voters is something that I am proud of).

The biggest success was, I think, was the interest the kids had in participating. The park is surrounded by low-income housing and quite a few of the local kids came in and out of the park to see what was going on. A group of them stayed at the table I was working and several took it upon themselves, one girl in particular, to take over the raffle sales. They were enthusiastic and stayed for the entire event. Everytime someone bought a ticket they immediately handed me the money and then took it upon themselves to make sure the person filled things out right. They took pleasure in handing out bumper stickers and campaign buttons. I didn't understand what they were saying half the time as they easily switched between English and Spanish. The one thing that did come through clearly was their enthusiam.

One young boy proudly told me he didn't need to register because he had already voted for Obama. I smiled (probably in that irritating as hell way adults can) and said something to the effect of that's great but we don't vote until November and that you need to be a bit older but it's great that you're involved. He shook his head at me and pulled his Obama/Biden button and stretched his shirt out towards me (guessing, perhaps, that I just don't see well) and said, "No, I voted!"

I nodded and agreed with him and was distracted by a couple of adults who came over. The exchange stuck in my head though and in a quiet moment I watched the group of them (fluctuated between eight to fifteen). Every single child was sporting a button. When we found a bag of buttons with images of Senators Obama and Biden on them many of them they wanted to swap the ones they had for the newly discovered ones (of course I let them). Most of the kids also sported the campaign logo on their cheeks courtesy of a face-painting volunteer.

Maybe they decided to hang out with all of us for the snacks and music or perhaps because we were new and different in their park but no one asked them to help man the tables and no one asked them to help clean up afterwards and yet that is what several of them did.

They're too young to vote. They won't even be able to vote in 2012 but I think their participation today made an impression on a handful of them. Some were listening carefully to what I was telling the newly registered voters. They were listening carefully to people when they came up to the table and proudly announced that they'd registered first thing when they turned 18 or that they too have been involved in this campaign. They listened and observed everything.

It is my hope that when they went home tonight they asked their parents if they are registered to vote. It is my hope that they saw a group of strangers working together for a common cause and realized that they were a part of it, a part of something larger than themselves. I hope they carry this experience with them and that it helps them reach out to work with others throughout their lives.

I'll Take My Victories Where I Can Find Them

My two-year-old daughter has a big personality. She also is a person of strong opinions. Her doctor calls her a 'hot ticket' and has since she was born. Yes the personality shined through pretty early ;-).

Two wasn't so bad with my son. We had a tantrum here and there and some sleep issues but overall nothing major. Darling daughter (DD) is another story.

She flips out over the weirdest/silliest things sometimes as well as the predictible ones. She is at her worst when she's tired but she can throw a mean tantrum even when she is well rested. She can also turn on a dime with them. She's been known to howl, kick on the floor, throw herself at you, try to force herself to throw up (the whole nine yards) and then when she see's it's not working (fourty minutes later) she can turn it off, snap.

There have been issues in our house the last six weeks in part because of a flood and the rest for reasons unknown that have left her waking most nights and puking at the waking with regularity. We think her reflux has returned and the doctor is working with us to find something to help. If only DD would work with us. Oh the fights we're having! I've had medicine thrown on me. I've had it spit on me. I've had it gagged out on me (and that's all only today!).

With that backstory in mind, here's my victory. DD threw no less than three tantrums today. Lately I've been so strained and on edge that my temper is triggered pretty quickly and I end up yelling. I'm not proud. It's not pretty and it's certainly not the way I want to parent. Darling son (DS) has been home sick all week and everyone is feeling the confinement so when the tantrums started this morning I was dreading the day. My husband wasn't going to be home until late so it was just me and the kids...in the house...all...day...long.

But! :-)

I managed not to yell much at all though sorely provoked (including when she tried to pull a hunk of my hair out when she was put in time out - time out was earned after DD deliberately and slowly poured a cup of water all over the kitchen floor because she didn't like the cup I gave her). We even had the puking tonight after DS woke her up. But I managed to get her cleaned up quickly and quietly and settled back into bed and asleep without the fuss that usually accompanies these episodes and I didn't yell at DS despite my complete and utter exasperation.

Hard as it was I'll count today a victory.